just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
