Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
