I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
