One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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