I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
