SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
