she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize