last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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