his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
