Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Your penis caused this!
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