OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
