i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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