Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
