you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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