dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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