When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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