It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
