she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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