remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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