The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
