So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
