I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
