Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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