I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
