my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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