Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
