I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
