I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
