Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
