she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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