I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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