I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
