we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
