her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
