Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
