Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
