i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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