Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize