He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
be right there i have to get my cape
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
