we made out on top of his cat.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
