someone threw a dead crab at me
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
