But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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