I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
