can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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