i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
