if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
