I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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