You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize