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Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
