I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
