i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
