I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
