he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
