so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
