you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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