this just has baby written all over it
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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