I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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