this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
