don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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