there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
