we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
