alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
