he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
