Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
