I just gift wrapped bread.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
