I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
