The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
